When You Change Yourself,
You Change Everything
“I don’t want to see your face,” said the person.
“Close your eyes, and you won’t see my face,” came the reply.
“I don’t want to hear your voice,” the person added.
“Close your ears, and you won’t hear my voice,” was the answer.
This simple exchange between two characters in the Ramayana holds a deep truth about life: The problem a person tries to solve by chasing others can often be solved more effectively by correcting oneself.
It often happens that when someone has a complaint, they immediately act against the person they blame. But instead of solving the issue, this creates even more problems. The wiser, more effective solution is to shift your focus. Rather than wasting time in conflict, use that time to engage in meaningful work.
A wise person once said: “Instead of chasing others, chase yourself—because by catching yourself, you can deal with others better.”
Many people fail to understand this key to life. They waste precious time and energy trying to “teach a lesson” to their so-called enemies. If that same energy were used to build themselves, they would not only become stronger and more successful—they would also deal with their opponents more effectively.
It’s a fact: ignoring the faults of others is more successful than fighting them.
When you grow in strength, your opponent naturally becomes quiet and hesitant. On the other hand, getting involved in a conflict means taking a major loss just to avoid a minor one. You waste your energy and give the other person more reason to harm you further.
In a mixed social environment, it’s common to feel hurt by someone’s words or actions. This is natural. But responding with patience is the key to success. If you fight back, the situation escalates. When anger meets anger, both sides lose. In trying to destroy the other, you end up harming yourself.
Here’s an example:
A man lived on the upper floor of a building. Children would often play and make noise on the ground floor. The man found the noise disturbing. He told the boys to stop, but they didn’t listen. One day, out of frustration, he poured dirty water from the roof onto the children. The boys got drenched—and angry. In retaliation, they started throwing broken pieces of bricks up at the roof. One piece hit a porcelain wash basin fixed outside the man’s house. It broke instantly. The boys ran off, but the damage remained.
If the man had simply ignored the noise—closed his ears instead of reacting—he would have saved himself from stress and from the loss of the basin.
Losing Can Also Be Gaining
“Accidents make a person a hero.”
This saying perfectly fits the life of Louis Braille (1809–1852).
Louis was the son of a carpenter. At the age of just three, he met with an accident in his father’s workshop and lost sight in both of his eyes. He became permanently blind. But this very man went on to invent the world’s first reading and writing system for the blind—now known worldwide as the Braille System.
For Louis Braille, the world was filled with darkness. But through passion and determination, he discovered a new light—not just for himself, but for millions of others.
A similar story is that of Helen Keller (1880–1968), an American woman. At the age of just one and a half, she suffered from a severe fever that left her blind and deaf. As a result, she couldn’t learn to speak either. Her condition seemed hopeless—her future appeared limited to living and dying in a home for the disabled.
But Helen Keller did not lose her courage. She decided that even without eyes, she would “see,” and even without ears, she would “hear.” She aspired to become like those who were naturally gifted with sight and sound.
When someone makes a firm decision, new paths begin to open. Helen found a brilliant teacher—Miss Sullivan. Helen began to learn the alphabet through touch. Even though she was deaf, she learned to speak. She would place her fingers on her teacher’s throat and lips to feel how words were formed, then attempt to repeat them with her own tongue. This unique form of learning took many years, but she finally succeeded. She used her fingers to “see” and “hear,” and she made them her tools to read and speak.
After early education with Miss Sullivan, Helen joined the Perkins School for the Blind and graduated in 1904. She also learned to write. Despite her disabilities, she mastered three languages: English, French, and Spanish. She authored several books and gave lectures across the world to promote education for the blind. She received honorary degrees from universities such as Harvard, Glasgow, Berlin, and Delhi, along with many other international honours.
History proves that some of the greatest achievements have been made by those who faced the hardest challenges. When someone suffers a great loss, it creates a deep sense of urgency and drive. That hunger awakens hidden abilities that even the person themselves did not know existed.
Where others may desire something half-heartedly, this person seeks it with complete dedication. Their inner fire gives birth to a new self. A person who loses their eyes learns to read with their hands. A person who loses their legs begins their journey with their mind.
In one sense, they have lost something—but in another, they have gained something even greater.
Accidents often appear to be the end of the road. But in many cases, they become the beginning of a new path. They ignite new determination and bring out strengths that were lying dormant. History shows that those who lose something often end up achieving more than those who had everything from the beginning.
Accountability Begins with You
A thinker once said something very wise: “A person is constantly radiating himself.”
It means that through their actions, a person is constantly introducing themselves to their surroundings. Just as a piece of radium emits light, a person, through every word and gesture, continuously tells the world who they are—and who they are not.
There’s a story about a shopkeeper who hired a clerk to handle accounts. On the clerk’s first day, after finishing his work, he took a bath at the shop and forgot to turn off the water tap before leaving. The next day, the shopkeeper gave him a full month’s salary in advance and said, “From tomorrow, you don’t need to come back.”
“Why?” asked the clerk, surprised.
“You left the tap open,” the shopkeeper replied. “Today it was a water tap—but what if tomorrow, you leave open one of my cash drawers? I could lose everything.”
Maybe the clerk walked away, thinking the shopkeeper was unfair to dismiss him over such a small mistake. But in truth, the real fault was his.
No employer judges a worker only by the ledger. They observe every small action and form an opinion based on that.
So if your environment seems unfriendly or unfair, don’t blame the environment. The environment only reflects back what you’ve shown it. If you present a positive image, it’s impossible for the environment to respond with negativity.
If things around you are not going as you expected, look at yourself first. Because what the environment gives back is shaped by what you gave it. What you sow into the world is what you will harvest. Nothing more, nothing less.
Just like thousands of tiny lines and dots form a full image, your everyday behaviour shapes how others perceive you. It is impossible for no image to be formed. And it is just as impossible for the world to respond to you in a way other than what your image suggests.
Every person is constantly writing their own history. Some write a history worth remembering, some don’t. Some leave their names in books, others only in local stories. But everyone is known in their circle exactly as they have shaped themselves through their actions and behaviour.
“A person is constantly radiating himself.”
If you remember this truth, you’ll rarely have complaints about others—because you’ll never give others a reason to complain about you. And if you do give them a reason, be prepared for what may come in return.
A mirror reflects exactly what it sees. If you see a stain on your face in the mirror, you don’t fight the mirror—you clean your face. Because you know the stain is not in the mirror, but on you.
In the same way, if you feel that your surroundings are reflecting something unpleasant, don’t get angry at the environment. It’s only showing you what you’ve already shown to it. In such moments, take time to reflect on yourself. You’ll see that the moment you correct yourself, your image in the “mirror” of society will begin to change too.
One common weakness of human beings is that they think of themselves as more than they actually are. This is the root of most conflicts. People around you see the real version of you—but you may have a higher image of yourself in your mind. This mismatch between perception and reality causes clashes.
This issue exists not just in individuals but in communities, too. And the only way to resolve it is through a mindset of realism. Apart from realism, there is no solution.
All India Radio, Delhi, 21 and 23 April 1981.
