The Importance of a Guardian in Marriage
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said: “There is no marriage without a wali, guardian.” (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith No. 19518; Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 1101)
The mention of a wali (guardian) in this hadith addresses a practical need rather than a matter of belief. The presence or approval of a wali does not determine the legality of a marriage, but it is a crucial factor for the marriage’s success. A wali, typically a family elder, brings experience to the relationship, which is vital for a successful marriage, particularly when the couple is young and inexperienced.
In modern times, mistakes have been made on both sides, with the result that this guidance has largely lost its practical effectiveness. On the one hand, guardians and family elders began to misuse their authority. They arranged marriages without considering the wishes of the young man and woman, and in some cases even forced them to marry against their will. This is clearly prohibited in the Hadith. When exercising their responsibility, guardians must take the consent of both parties into account. They should never arrange a marriage while disregarding the wishes of the man and woman concerned.
Guardians, particularly in traditional societies, have made another serious mistake by treating dowry as an essential part of marriage. The groom’s father may demand an expensive dowry from the bride’s family. This attitude has become so widespread that marriage has virtually been reduced to a commercial transaction. Such a practice is undoubtedly contrary to Islamic teachings. It would not be an exaggeration to say that the modern dowry system has become a destructive social evil.
The proper approach is to keep marriage entirely simple. Heavy dowries, excessively high mahr, and elaborate customs and ceremonies should be completely abandoned. In reality, these practices are later innovations, and no good can be expected from such innovations.
On the other hand, a rebellious attitude has developed among some young men and women today. They disregard their guardians and family elders, establish direct relationships independently, and then marry without the guardian’s consent. This type of marriage is commonly described as a “love marriage.”
However, experience shows that love marriages can frequently result in conflict or divorce. Surveys indicate that over 50% of love marriages in modern societies end in separation or divorce, and even when divorce does not occur, the relationship may face challenges so severe that a peaceful life becomes difficult. From this, it can be concluded that what is often called a “love marriage” may, in reality, be more accurately described as a “marriage driven by desire,” given its misleadingly romantic label.
In contrast, the proper and natural form of marriage in Islam is the arranged marriage, in which families play a central role in facilitating the union. Islamic teachings emphasize that both the man and the woman must give their free and full consent to the marriage.
It is also preferred in Islam that both parties meet and discuss matters before marriage to better understand one another.
If families follow this principle when arranging a marriage, they can achieve many of the benefits that love marriages are expected to provide, such as mutual affection and emotional connection. The Islamic marriage system is thus balanced and natural, combining familial involvement with the bond of love between the couple.
