ABUNDANT GOOD
In the Quran, there is a passage in which men are warned not to exploit a woman’s weakness, and to treat her unjustly. After outlining the relevant guidelines, the Quran presents a fundamental and comprehensive teaching: “Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind; if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something which God might make a source of abundant good.” (4:19)
While the immediate address is to men, in broader application, this guidance is equally relevant to both men and women. Just as it is necessary for men to maintain the marital relationship with grace, it is equally necessary for women.
If a man feels that his wife has a physical or temperamental shortcoming, he should not become disheartened by it. Rather, he should exercise patience and give her the opportunity to bring forth the other qualities God has given her—qualities that can contribute positively to the well-being of the household. He should rise above his initial dislike and make an effort to nurture the relationship.
The same applies to women. A woman may realize after marriage that her husband has a particular weakness, and she may feel that she made an unfortunate choice. But this view is not correct. One must recognize that in this world, it is not possible for a woman to find a man who is perfect in every respect from her perspective. Therefore, women too should adopt the principle of compromise. When she does, she will discover that while her husband may lack in one area, he possesses strengths in others that can more than make up for it.
Responding in this way is not simply about adjusting to another person; it is about aligning oneself with the natural order. When the issue is not just about dealing with an individual but about harmonizing with nature itself, then there really is no alternative.
In truth, the development and stability of any family—or even society—rests on the ability of its members to overlook each other’s shortcomings and allow their strengths to flourish. Those who show this patience in the present world for the sake of God are the ones who will be granted entry into the gardens of the Hereafter.
Although this principle appears in the context of marital relationships in this chapter of the Quran, it carries a broader message. It is a common feature of the Quran to present universal guidance within the framework of specific instructions.
In worldly life, it is essential for human beings to live together. No man or woman can live in complete isolation from others. And since everyone has different capabilities and temperaments, living together will inevitably lead to differences and grievances. In such a scenario, the only practical approach is to overlook complaints and adopt the principle of graceful cooperation.
Often, a single flaw in a partner becomes visible and immediately discourages the other, leading them to withdraw from the relationship altogether. But if they reflect deeply, they will find that every seemingly unfavourable situation contains one or more favourable aspects.
For example, if a man or woman lacks outward charm, they may possess exceptional practical abilities. If their temperament is slightly unpleasant, they may also have significant intellectual potential. If someone starts out with limited financial means, they might have the capability to achieve great success through hard work in the future.
This is the system of nature—and the system of nature does not change.
