PROPHETIC ADVICE
It is narrated from Abu Huraira that the Prophet of Islam said: A believer should not harbour hatred against a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her qualities, he should be pleased with another. (Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 1469)
Although this hadith speaks about a woman, it applies equally to men. It reflects a natural principle relevant to both. A man should treat a woman according to this guidance, and similarly, a woman should treat her husband by the same rule. Likewise, while the advice is directed at a believing individual, it is a piece of wisdom that can benefit anyone.
It is part of the natural order that no man or woman possesses every quality. In this world, no one is completely lacking in ability, and no one is entirely perfect. If someone has one strength, they are likely missing another. In such a case, if a person longs for something that does not exist in the natural order, that longing becomes meaningless—because they are seeking what is simply not attainable in this world.
If a man finds his wife lacking in outward attractiveness, he should not resent her, for she may possess strong practical qualities. If a woman tends to become angry quickly, that should not be a reason for alarm. Often, those with short tempers are also people of principle, sincerity, and honesty.
Rather than becoming disheartened, one should look at their spouse with appreciation. You may discover that your partner possesses traits more valuable than those you initially wished for. You might have been seeking superficial qualities, while God has granted you deeper, more meaningful ones—ones that contribute to building a meaningful life and a stable home.
For example, a man may wish his wife were more outwardly charming, but instead, God gave him a wife with inward beauty—and the latter is unquestionably more important.
The same applies in reverse. A woman may have wished for a wealthy husband, but if fate did not provide her with one, she need not be disappointed. A man without great wealth may instead possess seriousness, humility, compassion, and a strong work ethic. These qualities are often more valuable than wealth itself.
Similarly, if a woman’s husband does not come from a prestigious lineage, though she had hoped for that, it would be a mistake to think less of him. Often, those with distinguished lineage can carry a sense of superiority that results in poor character, while someone who lacks such pride tends to be more grounded, conscientious, and respectful.
In this world, no good thing is without flaws, and no ordinary thing is without some merit. Therefore, men and women alike should learn to appreciate the value in what they already have, rather than turning away from it in search of something else.
This advice from the Prophet of Islam shows that one should never fall into despair, for in every seemingly discouraging event, God has hidden a glimpse of hope.
