THE ROLE OF PATIENCE
IN RESOLVING CONFLICT
Abu Hurayrah reports that once, a man insulted Abu Bakr, and he remained silent. At that time, the Prophet of Islam was sitting nearby. He appeared surprised and smiled. When the man intensified his insults, Abu Bakr responded to some of his words. At that moment, the Prophet of Islam became upset, stood up, and left.
Abu Bakr followed him and said, “O Messenger of God, the man was insulting me while you were sitting there and smiling. But when I responded to him, you became displeased and left.” The Prophet of Islam replied: “When you remained silent, an angel was replying on your behalf. But when you spoke, the angel departed, and Satan took his place.” (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith No. 9624)
If a person insults you, and you respond with an insult in return, the situation escalates. The person who initially said one harsh word will begin using abusive language and may eventually try to harm you physically, even resorting to throwing stones. However, your silence will stop the situation at the early stage, while your response will escalate it to a destructive level.
Instead, if you remain silent when someone insults or abuses you, and do not react to their provoking words, you will see that their tone gradually softens. The “air” from their “balloon” will begin to escape, and over time, they will become silent on their own. Responding with anger encourages them to speak more, but your silence will eventually force them to remain silent as well.
Why is there a difference between these two scenarios? The reason is that when evil is met with evil, a psychological reaction is triggered in the wrongdoer. Satan finds an opportunity to stir their ego. By inflaming their anger, Satan leads them toward the final destructive level. The evil that was dormant inside them is awakened and stands against you.
In contrast, when you respond by simply distancing yourself from the evil, a self-reflective psychology is triggered in the other person. An Angel now has an opportunity to awaken their innate goodness, activate their conscience, instill a sense of shame, and encourage them to reform.
In the first scenario, the person falls under the influence of Satan, whereas in the second, they are influenced by an Angel. In the first case, the desire for revenge emerges as the other person is labeled a wrongdoer, while in the second case, they reflect on themselves and develop a desire for self-reform.
Every person has two hidden powers within them: one is favourable to you, represented by their conscience, and the other is against you, represented by their ego. It is up to you which power you awaken. Through your words and actions, the power you choose to awaken will shape the outcome.
If you awaken the ego, the other person becomes your enemy. However, if you awaken the conscience, the person will undergo an inner transformation and become favourable to you.
In the earlier incident, the Prophet of Islam did not get angry with the person who insulted Abu Bakr. But when Abu Bakr spoke harshly, the Prophet became angry. The Shariah establishes the principle of avoidance for animals (like donkeys), and for humans, the principle of enjoining what is good.
Generally, people consider responding to be self-defense. If someone causes harm, they immediately confront the person, thinking they are defending themselves. However, a greater defense is remaining silent in response to aggression. Instead of confronting the aggressor, you adopt the principle of avoidance.
Silence is not inactivity; in fact, it is the greatest action. When a person engages in retaliation, they rely only on their own strength. But when they remain silent after being wronged, they align themselves with the entire system of Nature to respond. Personal defense is a weak defense, while the defense of Nature is much stronger.
God has established a system in His world where, whenever something impure appears, countless bacteria gather and begin to decompose the substance to eliminate it. Similarly, when a person wrongs another, the entire system of Nature is activated to bring about their reform.
In this sense, silence is a form of waiting. When a person remains silent in the face of aggression, they are, in effect, putting themselves in a state of waiting. By giving the global conscience a chance to work, they wait for its outcome.
Therefore, a person should not act independently and disrupt the process of Nature. Instead, they should adopt a policy of waiting and co-operate with the process taking place in Nature.
