UPBRINGING OF CHILDREN
The Prophet of Islam said: “A father cannot give his child a better gift than good manners.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 1952; Shu’ab al-Iman by al-Bayhaqi, Hadith No. 1554)
Although the wording of the hadith specifically mentions the father, by implication it includes both parents. The word adab (good manners) in this context broadly refers to all aspects of education and training—whether religious or worldly.
It is natural for both men and women to feel deep affection for their children. This hadith clarifies how that love can best be put to use: by teaching their children the values and conduct necessary for a meaningful life. Parents should strive to raise their children to be upright individuals, capable of facing the challenges of the world.
It has often been observed that parents express their love primarily by fulfilling every desire of their children. They believe that whatever the child wants should be provided immediately. However, this is not a form of true well-wishing.
A small child only understands their immediate desires. Their thoughts centre on instant gratification. However, this is immature thinking. What truly matters is that the child will eventually mature and enter the real world. To thrive in that stage of life, a child needs to be equipped with good manners and discipline necessary for living well.
Therefore, a child’s training should begin right from early childhood so that these values become part of their nature. There are three essential aspects of this training: religion, character, and discipline.
For example, from an Islamic perspective, a child’s upbringing begins immediately after birth, when the call to prayer (adhan) is recited into the child’s ear. This act serves as a symbolic reminder that the process of nurturing the child should begin from the very start of life. This responsibility rests with both the mother and the father.
Moral training means instructing the child at every opportunity. If the child makes a mistake, it should be pointed out. If necessary, the child should be gently corrected. If siblings quarrel, they should be taught to reconcile. If the child lies, uses foul language, or takes something that does not belong to them, these incidents must be taken seriously—starting from a young age—so that moral behaviour becomes a lasting part of their character.
The same approach applies to teaching discipline. The child should be taught time management, and the habit of putting things in their proper place. Meals should be taken at fixed times. If the child throws a wrapper or piece of paper on the street, they should be made to pick it up. They should be discouraged from making noise or doing anything that causes inconvenience to others.
For proper upbringing, the parents themselves must model the same behaviour. If you tell your child not to lie, but then have them answer the door with “Tell them I’m not home,” it makes your advice meaningless. If you smoke but then lecture them about the harms of smoking, it will have no impact. If you routinely break promises but tell your child, “Always keep your word,” they are unlikely to take that lesson to heart.
Children see their parents as role models. Likewise, older children serve as examples for younger siblings. If the parents and the eldest child set the right example, the rest of the children are likely to follow it naturally.
