FINAL WORDS
After finishing this writing, one day I was talking to a friend about it when these words slipped from my lips: “When I think that this writing will someday be published and seen by people, I feel ashamed. It seems to me as if I am exposing myself.” These words, which I said to my dear friend, are my apology for this lengthy writing.
Over a long period, the moments of my days and nights—known surely to God—stand as witness that writing something like this has brought me no joy. This is not a “pleasant tale” that I have chosen to narrate at length. Rather, it is the pain of the heart that, unable to remain contained, has poured out.
The truth is that if I were given a choice between two things—either to go on living in order to express the thoughts surging within me, or to be taken away from this world, where a person is bound to present whatever he sees as truth without holding anything back—I would, without hesitation, choose the latter. For me, death would be better than a life in which I must carry out this bitter duty: to speak about the intellectual and practical shortcomings of those with whom I have been closely associated for the past fifteen years. (However, in this world, God has not granted human beings the option to choose death at will; rather, one is only given the opportunity to follow the path of truth and to declare it.)
If words could speak, they would say that this is not, in the usual sense, an act of pen and ink. These are molten emotions that have broken through the barriers of restraint and flowed outward, taking shape as words on paper. This is an offering of my blood and my tears, drawn from within me to the very last drop, and presented before my companions. It is the restless outpouring of those sorrowful thoughts that have unsettled my days and nights for the past five years.
Today, the truth may be hidden from people’s sight, but it will not remain hidden forever. The day will surely come when God’s angels will make it clear under what heart-rending circumstances these pages were written.
That day, which is undoubtedly approaching, will come when each of us will stand before the Lord of all worlds. On that day, the truth will be fully revealed. The beautiful words and appealing justifications that everyone now uses to shield themselves will fall apart, leaving people so exposed that not even a leaf will remain to conceal them. Blessed is the one for whom that day brings the glad tidings of “efforts well rewarded.” And unfortunate is the one whose “faith” is not accepted, and to whom God says, “The matter for which you contended was merely the product of your own mind. It was not from Me.”
